Hostess of the Mostess

haciendo turismo!

first the padres.. then the bezzzer.. then the neighbour... 3 weeks almost full of visitors.. inviting outsiders in to my little year abroad world showing them the way i've been living/surviving/working and playing since January in Madrid.

and whilst it was lovely to see everyone it has given me that taste of "company" that i'm now struggling to live without on their departures. Not having to make every decision myself and having someone else except myself to take care of for a while was so refreshing and even though i've got used to and quite enjoy the freedom of doing everything the way I want it done, it was a nice change.

i know when i go back in a few weeks life will be totally different living at home, conflicting attitudes in shared space. hell. but will anything have changed? really? people tell me that i have changed, but i cant see it but then you never do in yourself. To everyone at home I will be the "outsider" coming back into their lives and I'm not sure if i want to do that. I dont want a change in location to mean a change in me, rose that went away nearly a year ago is not going to be the same that comes back, its impossible. So how am i supposed to act going back into the same environment that I left? Obviously i never have truely left it, i'm always upto date with home and friends, but I havent been living it.



nonetheless i'm looking forward to going back and I hope thats not just for the novelty of catching up with people. Its time to concentrate on other areas now. New projects, new beginnings...direction...